We've all heard the saying, 'When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.' But what happens when the teacher isn't the right one? What if the mentor you were excited to learn from turns out to be disengaged, misaligned, or not that helpful? If you are stuck in a mentorship that isn't serving you, you don't have to stay there. Today, we will talk about recognizing when mentorship isn't working, why it's so hard to navigate, and, most importantly—how to step away confidently and professionally.
The right mentor can accelerate your growth, help you avoid costly mistakes, and open doors you never knew existed.
A bad mentor can slow you down just as much as a good mentor can speed you up.
1. Signs You Have a Bad Mentor
Lack of Engagement: They don't prioritize meetings, offer vague advice, or show disinterest.
Mismatched Values or Personality: Their leadership style doesn't align with yours.
Self-Centered Approach: They talk more about themselves than helping you.
Poor Advice or Ethics: They give bad advice, discourage growth, or act unethically.
Q: Have you ever had a bad mentor? What was your relationship like? Describe a time you worked with a good mentor and how that relationship differed.
2. Why This Feels Hard to Address
Power Imbalance: The mentor is often more senior, making it feel intimidating to talk about your relationship.
Fear of Burning Bridges: You may be concerned about offending or losing access to their network.
Loyalty & Guilt: You feel like you "owe" them for their time.
3. How to Navigate the Situation
Clarify the Issues: Identify the specific problem. Is there a lack of engagement? Bad advice? Value misalignment? Determine if the issue is fixable or if it's a fundamental mismatch.
Adjust Expectations or Communication: If they're disengaged, try to reframe meetings with a clear agenda or direct requests. (By doing this, you will increase your odds of staying on task) If their advice isn't helpful, don't be afraid to seek a second opinion elsewhere. (Sometimes you need to trust your gut)
Gracefully Step Away: If it's not working, transition out of the mentorship professionally. Be grateful and respectful, and explain where you are shifting your focus and why you are seeking different perspectives.
Find a Better Mentor: Find someone who aligns with your growth needs. Consider peer mentorship or multiple mentors. Be proactive in choosing the right fit instead of waiting for one to appear. What you don't want to do is let a bad mentoring experience deter you from seeking a new one.
Application Activities:
Whether or not you and your mentor have a strong relationship, you can get the most out of your meetings by coming prepared. Consider your mentor's strengths and focus your questions on scenarios they will be able to speak about clearly. Creating a prepared agenda will ensure your time is used well and that your mentor feels like they are adding value to you.
If you do not already have a mentor, think about leaders who could be a mentor to you. Your boss should not be your mentor. Ideally, your mentor would be part of a different company. This will ensure you can be open and honest and make the most of your time with them. Once you have brainstormed a few mentors, choose one to reach out to. Be professional and courteous, and start by asking them to have coffee. Come prepared for that meeting and see how the conversation goes. If it seems like a good fit, you can see if they are open to being your mentor afterward.
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