If you want to make a leader nervous, just tell them they must hold their employee accountable. Leaders fear how the conversation may go and don’t want to hurt their relationship with their team. But, accountability conversations can be a lot more productive if you add one key point: understanding intent. Today on The Champion Forum Podcast, we’ll talk about the role of intent in accountability conversations and how to help people feel open to feedback instead of defensive.
Listener Question: Jeff, I have an employee who is a bit direct to a fault. He borders on rude and arrogant at times. Most recently, he did something that made me come unglued. I presented a new sales contest to our team during a recent sales meeting. I was only ten minutes into the presentation when this employee said aloud, “We have all heard this before.” He said it with eye rolls and all the sarcasm he could muster. I am so tired of him acting like this and had enough. So much so that I kicked him out of the meeting and said some things to him in front of the team that I now wish I wouldn’t have said. I met with him one one-on-one later in the day, and it didn’t go well. It was a combination of me telling him he acted unprofessional and him telling me that I don’t know how to lead my team. Please help!
Before dealing with a direct, aggressive employee, you must create a foundation that will allow you to have tough conversations. If Joe was one of my coaching clients, I would ask him these questions before giving any other advice:
Does everyone on the team have an Individual Development Plan?
Has everyone on the team been presented with expectations for their job and how to behave in the office?
Does everyone on the team get the opportunity to have one-on-one sessions with leadership to review expectations, give feedback and support, and offer accountability?
Do you know why success matters to everyone on the team?
Q: Do you believe you have earned the right to hold your team accountable? Why or why not? What do you need to stop doing or start doing to ensure that you have earned the right?
Once you have the fundamentals in place and know you have earned the right to hold someone accountable, you can focus on discovering intent.
Why should you determine intent?
Inquiring about intent prevents us from veering off in the wrong direction based on faulty assumptions.
Example: “What were you hoping to accomplish with that?” or “What was going on for you?”
What should happen in the conversation?
Try to keep the tone neutral. Maintaining your composure will help prevent the other person from becoming more emotional and defensive. A conversation that clarifies intent builds trust, understanding, and credibility. When you inquire about intention, you’re essentially in a coaching conversation — one that can make a positive difference well before a performance review or disciplinary conversation. This is also a great way for you to earn the right to set the table for accountability should this occur again.
Why should I ask questions?
Accusative statements tend to make people feel defensive. Questions tell people that you are collaborating and trying to understand. When you ask questions, you aren’t accusing people of anything, you are just asking a question. You’re giving your employees a chance to explain themselves.
Q: Have you ever had a leader hold you accountable? How did they open the conversation? Did they make statements or ask questions? How did it feel to be on the receiving end of the conversation? Did your behavior change at all? Why or why not? How did the conversation affect your relationship with your leader?
Application Activities:
Answer the foundational questions at the beginning of the podcast. Do you think you have earned the right to hold people accountable? What one habit could you add to help build more credibility and trust with your team?
Make a visual reminder to ask questions! You could use a sticky note on your computer or a special token you feel in your pocket. Observations are necessary (ex. You interrupted the meeting to say you didn’t like the new comp plan. You were late two times last week.) But every time you make a statement, make sure you ask at least one follow-up question. Asking questions does not come naturally to every leader, so a visual or other physical reminder can be very helpful as you create this habit.
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